Monday, February 27, 2012

Expecting the Unexpected


It's been a while since my last post. Little ones are adorable, but they are also emotionally and physically draining - even with help. Moms who convince you that the child rearing experience is otherwise are liars. That, or they are freaks. Freaks with freak babies. So I like to tell myself.

Not one to sugarcoat, I'll be the first to admit that I'm no model mother. I actually sit in my bed and have a good cry nearly every other day - out of sight from the nanny and Olive. It's not because I don't love my new little monster. For the record, I adore her to bits and will do anything for her. I mean it. Anything. (I'm holding and hugging a sleeping Olive as I type this.) But since her arrival, it's been difficult adjusting to all things new. Life postpartum is not what I expected. For every immense surge of joy I feel when interacting with Olive, I experience an extreme dose of sadness. I'm a passenger on a roller coaster of emotions and I've been riding this coaster for two months to date. I feel good three-quarters of the time, but the other quarter is spent having panic attacks about a wide spectrum of things. I'm constantly anxious - be it about the baby (obvi), home cleanliness, my career, my weight. I have to consciously not-freak-out, and I'm pretty sure that this new me (whom I'm not fond of) scares the hubby. Josh, I am so sorry. I just don't feel like myself lately... and am having a hard time getting out of my slump...

On a brighter note, Olive is exact 2 months old today. *big grin* Rather than highlighting how adorable and bright she is (parental bias!), I think I'll just spend the neck paragraph highlighting how huge she is. Our freakishly strong baby girl is already putting her neck muscles and Michelle Obama-esque arms to use. Check her out! Next thing you know, she'll be busting out her father's P90X videos and doing push-ups. *teehee*

3 comments:

JennySRP said...

it's ok that you have all these feelings, this phase of life will pass by as quickly as it came. It will not be forever! You guys are doing a stellar job. <3
You have plenty of time for home, career, and getting body into sexy mode. It doesn't have to happen right now.

lepetitdoodler said...

I am impatient. My daughter is just like me. Karma's a bitch.

kimberlina said...

*hug* i think that acknowledging these feelings is the best thing you can do.

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