Breast Post Ever

 "itty bitty titty committee"

"they're mosquito bites"

"tits all i got"

"too much of a good thing"

"identitties"

"you're the breast"

I love boobs. (I've animated them. Click HERE.) You probably love them too.

For the past month, I've been involved with Barbells for Boobs, a non-profit organization providing funding for screenings and diagnostic procedures to folks in need. Save a pair, save a life. It's a tremendeous cause.

I've been fundraising alongside members of my CrossFit box, CrossFit Ganbatte. And in an effort to make my proposition juicy (like a healthy boob), I have been offering doodles for every person donating $50 or more. Click HERE to see my fundraising page.

Our little family is headed for Iceland in four days and I'm finally all caught up with the drawings. Final batch is being sent out on Monday. Above are some of my titillating masterpieces - best understood alongside their respective captions!

But I'm Oak

Hey there, stranger...

I know, I know. Why do I even bother having a blog if I can't maintain it. It's like owning a chia pet and not watering it. As if I weren't wasting enough physical space already, I'm now wasting cyberspace. Tsk-tsk-tsk. Shame on me. But if you were to spend a day in my shoes, you just might understand.

It's not the baby's fault. (More on her later. In the meantime, a photo.) It's just that I'm back renovating and remodeling homes (I actually "restored" ten fixers while pregnant, believe it or not!). And omigosh, I forgot how much actual work the process is. It's not all fun and Pinterest pinning when the your creativity is held captive by a limited budget.

Which brings me to the title of this post.

My latest project is a 60s duplex in dire need of a new life. As is the case of older homes, this one is in need of some new floors. Under the influence of hours spent on Pinterest and two seasons worth of "Million Dollar Decorator," my heart became set on installing beautiful French white oak planks onto the shaded property. Close your eyes and imagine crisp white walls set against the light brown and gray coloring of such floors... ahh... MAGIC...

I approached my usual flooring installer, my "dealer" if you will, and described the crack I hoped to get my hands on. Without even asking, David returned from the back room with his oak flooring SPECIAL. This flooring was special, alright. She was border-line pink, had rays and grains that I could only describe as "psychedelic and was, kindly put, UGLY. David could tell I was disappointed, so he handed me the next best option within my budget. Floor boards of maple.

Him: "You're maple."
Me: "I'm oak."
Him: "You're maple."
Me: "I'm not maple, David. I'm oak. I'm just not ghetto oak. I'm French oak..."

David slaps his forehead and keeps his hands up against his face to shield himself from my pathetic face.

My tight budget and I left the shop defeated, with a bag of "good enough" maple samples in hand. Home renovating for income properties is all about compromise and the phrase "good enough"... I knew this while working at Local Construct, but seem to have forgotten.

This dog needs to be retrained.