Underneath it All

Baby Quinn, unlike Olive (who had no intention to exit my womb), seems eager to come out and play.

According to the ultrasound, her head is down (Olive was breech), and she jabs me with her limbs daily.

YAY.

I'm roughly a month away from delivering Baby Quinn and am looking foul. My National Geographic-worthy boobies are massive, pale and veiny. And topping off the suckers are large, darkened areolas circling pencil-eraser-esque nipples.

My pajama pants are no longer fitting and I and have begun sporting my husband's gym shorts. Four inches of hard belly meat jut out over them when I walk around the house. Imagine an obese man with a single ab.

My legs are swollen and I am no longer comfortably fitting into maternity "skinny jeans." I wonder if I can find "maternity skinny jeans for husky calves." My stems are also dry and scaly - for I have become too darn fat to to bend over to lotion them.

And then there's my face. Laura Mercier bronzer is no longer doing me any good. Try contouring a marshmallow. It's a feat next to impossible.

I crop dust as I walk. Deepest apologies to those who crowd me at Trader Joes and the Farmer's Market. My body's full of gas over which I have no control of. I excrete unidentifiable liquids when friends make me laugh too hard. I'm like a senior citizen. And yes, I choo-choo like a freight train when asleep. My nasal passage is filled with fat - my own diagnosis, not the the doctor's. 

This second pregnancy has left me feeling physically ruined, but that's okay. I'm eight-months pregnant, and in the home-stretch. I'm incubating a little human, and this is what I'm supposed to look like. I look to Olive and know that this journey is a worthwhile one.

Olive with her beloved aunt Cindy, whom she thinks is named "Honey."

The name has stuck, and we don't have the heart to correct her...

Olive baking blueberry muffins with Mama.

Master Chef Jr. in the making...

Savage

A lost mind. Doodle by yours truly circa 2007.

The French are rad, and I am not the only Muggle who thinks so. Countless books have been penned analyzing the way the French cook, dress, and rear their children. Since the French approach is so revered, I've got to ask... how do the French consume croissants?

I down at least three buttery suckers per week in public... that said, it may be nice if I were to exhibit a sense of decorum.*

The blogosphere claims the majority of Parisians rip croissants into bite-sized pieces and then dunk 'em into espresso for easy, and I'm assuming, tasty consumption. But if you've got a nice croissant, the pastry is flakey. When torn, the crisp golden crumb trail get everywhere... and if then dunked, the pastry gets all soggy. This mode of consumption makes no sense to me...

Is it so wrong to bite into croissants WHOLE?!?
I like to amputate my croissant horns before hitting the chewy center "bod".
SAVAGE!!!

Yes, it's stuff like this that keeps me up at night.
I think I need help.

* I can be found consuming croissants the non-French way at Proof Bakery in Atwater Village. Their pastries are worth the calories.

You Had the Power All Along My Dear

"With great power comes great responsibility."

Illustration benefitting Barbells for Boobs. Save a pair, save a life.

My fundraising page here.

Match

"Hey, somebody farted. Let's get out of here." 

The twist is curiously attracted to the donut's unorthodox ways. 

Illustration benefitting Barbells for Boobs. Save a pair, save a life.

My fundraising page here.

Breast Post Ever

 "itty bitty titty committee"

"they're mosquito bites"

"tits all i got"

"too much of a good thing"

"identitties"

"you're the breast"

I love boobs. (I've animated them. Click HERE.) You probably love them too.

For the past month, I've been involved with Barbells for Boobs, a non-profit organization providing funding for screenings and diagnostic procedures to folks in need. Save a pair, save a life. It's a tremendeous cause.

I've been fundraising alongside members of my CrossFit box, CrossFit Ganbatte. And in an effort to make my proposition juicy (like a healthy boob), I have been offering doodles for every person donating $50 or more. Click HERE to see my fundraising page.

Our little family is headed for Iceland in four days and I'm finally all caught up with the drawings. Final batch is being sent out on Monday. Above are some of my titillating masterpieces - best understood alongside their respective captions!

Masterpiece

A highly accurate rendering of our pooch by Olive and the sitter.

Where the Sun Don't Shine

Did you know the sun doesn't set during Icelandic summer's

I find this troubling.

Luckily, Eric and his fab partner, Chuan will be handing out eye masks as favors.

And they've enlisted yours truly to provide the doodles to be printed on 'em.

Wah-lah.

The "strong sun"...

lepetitdoodles

Yo-yo-yo.
This mama's opening an Etsy shop for shits and giggles!

Doors aren't open just yet.
Hoping to upload some goodies next week.

Greta

Greta.

The heroine of one of the many books I'm working on (at snail's pace). 
Her adventures, or should I say misadventures are at times inspired by a good friend's adventures in online dating. Times are tough. So is Greta.

Flowers

Dottie Hager likes to wear flowers in her hair.

A lot of them.

Going Topless

Going topless.

#nunsgonewild

Wee! Oui!

Wee! Oui! 

Bumper toast. 

#regulartoast #frenchtoast

Keeper

Duncan tells Shelly, "I have a crush on your brain." 

#wtfthisdudeisquotingthenotebook 

#hellyeahhesquotingthenotebook

Big Poppa

I'm gon' call my crew 

you go call your crew 

we can rendezvous at the bar around two... 

#boblovesitwhenyoucallhimbigpoppa

Imagine

Odd at Sea concept art. Wheel house interior. 

Identity Crisis

"We are dancer." 

#arewehumanorarewedancer #thekillers #cupcakeswithlousygrammar

The Usual Suspects

The whole club was looking at her. 

#applebottomjeans #bootswiththefur

YOLO-ing

Darby and Franklin attempt to Robot at Los Globos.

Just Like US

Harriet realizes she's made it. 

#puhs

It rained today in Los Angeles today. Sound the alarms...

Fab

The crab had fab abs. 

#notallmermenlooklikefabio #crossfittingcrab